Just a little something for you to enjoy
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Out of the mouths of babes
Me: "A cookie for your thoughts."
She started to giggle, but soon turned back to a serious look then asked me something that I wasn't really prepared for...
Sharon: "Mummy, I don't understand something and was wondering if you could answer it?"
Me: "If I can, shoot."
Sharon: "Why can't gay people rather same sex people marry in a church."
Me: "Well, there are some people are afraid that if same sex couples who marry it would be a travesty and bring downfall on the church. Then there are those who believe that homosexuality is wrong in general. What else do you want to know?"
Sharon: "Well I was reading in the newspaper that some church somewhere in the States that they are dead set against it and if you ask me it doesn't seem right, not one little bit."
Me: "Well Squeaker, that's just it. It's not right, but you can't tell someone otherwise."
Then Katlynn (my 12.5 yr old) came into the kitchen and added her 2 cents.
Kat: "These small-minded people are afraid that people who aren't like them are freaks and need to be on some deserted island and left to die or something, just because they're different."
I look at Kat.
Me: "Kat....."
Kat: "Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh, but so is the way people of alternate lifestyles used to be treated and some still being treated today. Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with it. It shouldn't matter their gender but that fact that you love the other person."
Sharon: "These mean people are stupid-heads!"
Me: "Well other then being ‘stupid-heads' what else do you think?"
Sharon: "I think that they should be able to marry and have babies just like other people, if they can."
She stood there for a few minutes more (playing with the butter in the potatoes) before speaking again.
Sharon: "Mummy. What if one day it turns out that one of us turns out to be gay. Will you and Daddy still think and love of us the same way?"
Me: "Silly girl... *rab* of course we would. Just because you choose a partner who might be the same gender as yourself it doesn't make you any less of a person. And if one day that's your choice, I'd be happy for you and don't let other people tell you otherwise."
She then pushed back her glasses and headed towards the table for supper.
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Today's lunch
(Don't blame me, a friend sent this to me)
This guy walks into a bar at lunchtime and notices a sign behind the bar.
Today's Lunch Special
Chicken salad sandwiches.........$3.50
Tuna salad sandwiches..............$2.50
Handjobs....................................$35.00
He approaches the rather good-looking waitress behind the bar and asks her, "Are the one who gives the handjobs?"
She eyes him up and down, smiles her sexiest smile and says, "Why yes I am."
He smiles back and says to her, "Well, wash your hands please. I'd like a chicken salad sandwich."
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A Potato Story
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato, either. She would get plenty of exercise and eat well so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow, and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs.Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.........................
A COMMON TATER
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More random giggles
Chicken
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
Not again
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily
on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a
Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Dead? Me? Really?
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Line up
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
A little water with your wine?
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Parking can be hell
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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Bravo Zulu
Ship's crew saves whale
Exhausted animal weighed down by fishing gear
JENNIFER TAPLIN
The Daily News (http://www.hfxnews.ca/index.cfm?sid=42629&sc=89)
She was stuck and injured. Good thing HMCS St. John's was nearby.
The crew of the Halifax-based ship saved a humpback whale snagged in fishing nets on the Grand Banks near Newfoundland on Wednesday.
They got the call from a fishing boat, said Cmdr. Brian Santarpia in a phone interview yesterday.
"We went and had a look and, sure enough, there was an orange fishing float, and attached to the fishing float was a 30-foot-long humpback whale."
They couldn't tell the sex of the whale, but Santarpia called it a "she" yesterday. On first glance, the whale didn't look too injured, just tired from trying to swim away from the nets, he said. Plus, they could tell there was something weighing it down.
"It could only go up far enough to get a breath of air and it was trying to go down to free itself."
They launched a boat with three sailors in it to have a look. The sailors tried to untangle the lines around the whale and winch in one of the lines. They didn't want to pull too hard, so they launched a second boat and put a line underneath the whale between the two boats.
"It turned out there was a whole string of crab pots (underneath) ... and each one of them has a 50-pound anchor attached to it."
By the time they got to dislodging the crab pots, the whale was exhausted.
"It was barely moving at all," Santarpia said. "It was pretty safe at that point, so we decided to put two divers in the water."
Meanwhile, the entire ship's company was on the upper deck watching the drama and looking for ways to help.
"We must of had 30 people on the fo'c'sle heaving on lines," he said. "Everyone who didn't have a part wanted to have a part.
They watched as the divers swam up behind the whale and cut the ropes.
"And she swam away," he said. "It was pretty amazing."
The divers saw minor damage to the whale from the ropes around her fin, he said. The rescue took about two hours.
The St. John's is on a fisheries patrol right now, isn't used to rescuing whales.
"We've got some young trainees on board and I turned to a young fellow beside me and it's his first trip to sea, and I said 'have you ever saved a whale?' and he said 'no.' And I said 'no me either.'"
St. John's will be back home at the end of the month.
Some might think why would they waste their time saving a whale, it's only a whale? That's not the point. The point is they were in the vicinity and heard a call for help, granted it's not what they expected but they got the job done nonethless.
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Random find
----------------Girls----------------
-----------are like apples------
-------on trees. The best ones-----
-----are at the top of the tree.-----
---The boys dont want to reach---
--for the good ones because they--
-r afraid of falling and getting hurt.-
-Instead, they get the rotten apples-
from the ground that arent as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
something is wrong with them when in
-reality they're amazing. They just--
---have to wait for the right boy to
---- come along, the one who's-
----------- brave enough to-----
---------------climb all-----------------
---------------the way-------------
--------------to the top---
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Bikini wax was almost fatal
Diabetic developed severe infection
By HELEN BRANSWELL The Canadian Press
TORONTO - It's the story of a Brazilian wax that went south, a drive to get rid of the hair down under that nearly cost a young Australian woman her life.
Her doctors say it's also a cautionary tale for other aficionados of the minimalist look - a warning that maximum depilation can potentially lead to debilitation, especially when it's being performed on someone with a weakened immune system.
"I think the message . . . of this case is just to say: ‘Hey guys, you know, we need a bit of a reality check here,' " says Dr. Lindsay Grayson, an infectious diseases specialist with Austin Health and the University of Melbourne.
"This might be fine and mostly pretty innocuous and fun, but for some people it's not that. It can be quite serious."
The "some people" Grayson refers to are people whose immune systems are weakened - or compromised, in the language of the medical community. That typically encompasses people with HIV-AIDS, those on immune-suppressing drugs because they've undergone an organ transplant or people receiving cancer therapy. And in this case, it also refers to someone with poorly controlled diabetes.
The person in question is an unidentified 20-year-old Australian woman with Type 1 diabetes - the kind that requires regular insulin shots - who underwent a disastrous Brazilian bikini wax. Her physicians report on her startling case in an upcoming issue of the journal Clinical Infectious Diseases.
During the waxing procedure, which was performed by a trainee, the woman experienced some vulval bleeding, suggesting tearing of the skin. And in the two weeks after, she developed symptoms of a worsening infection - pain, swelling, redness and discharge.
By the time she sought medical help she was reporting excruciating pain, fever, a rash that extended up to the chest and neck and severe difficulty urinating. Examination showed her external genitalia were "grossly swollen." Doctors couldn't do an internal examination because the woman was in too much pain; one was eventually performed after she'd been put under general anesthesia.
Her condition was so severe treating doctors thought she had necrotizing fasciitis - flesh-eating disease - and they urgently put her on a regime of heavy-duty antibiotics.
The woman didn't have that rapidly progressing infection, caused by some strains of Streptococcus bacteria. But she did have a life-threatening Streptococcus pyogenes infection with what looked like a flare-up of a pre-existing herpes infection.
"If she had not received appropriate therapy, she would have died," Grayson said in an interview from Melbourne.
The antibiotics did the trick, though, and the woman recovered. She was released from hospital after 10 days and was able to return to work after 21.
But this tale of hair scares doesn't end there.
Six months later, the woman again tried to denude her nether regions, this time eschewing wax and turning to the razor. Razors often make small tears in the skin and a few days later she was back in hospital with a second infection and herpes recurrence.
The second bout was less severe than the first, possibly because she sought care more quickly, Grayson says. "She was scared stiff."
While Grayson and his colleagues acknowledge that this case is probably at the severe end of the spectrum of hair-removal complications, they nonetheless think it sounds a crucial cautionary note.
"The importance of it is that it highlights a potential new phenomenon and that is the impact of the beauty industry on patients such as this," Grayson says.
© 2007 The Halifax Herald Limited
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13, unlucky for some
Monday was my 13th (weddin g) anniversary, and there are days when it doesn't seem that long. Then again with everything that's been happening around here I feel as if I lost count. *l* Unfortunately I wasn't able to celebrate since the ol' man left earlier Monday morning because of an equipment course he'll be teaching when he gets back from Ottawa for 2 weeks.
I should know well enough by now - never make plans for anything. It doesn't matter if it is during a leave period or not. oh well...... he'll just have to make up for it when he gets home ![\](http://www.shoutpost.com/%22http://www.shoutpost.com/secure/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif/%22 "\")
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Military brats
I am a military brat & proud of it
This most definitely start some controversy, quite frankly I don't really care, and I am putting in my 2 cents.
I have found in the past when someone hears or speaks the term "military brat" people automatically assume that we are a bunch of bad tempered, temper tantrum little hooligans. This is not the case, in fact like most things that are coined or phrased is deeply rooted. Or if the (adult) person who is referring to themselves as military brats are told to grow up and become part of the real world as I was told back at the IRO's Christmas party (back in '01)
After all we are the children of warriors. And although it was initially a role not of our own choosing, it is a role perpetuated by many of us with pride. Our minds, our hearts return us time and again to the warrior path. It is an attitude, a way of being. Our souls were hammered out on the forge of discipline and dedication, of mission and service to others, of loss and sacrifice in the name of something larger than ourselves.
The word BRAT is actually an acronym which stands for:
Bold
Responsible
Adaptable
Tolerant
Strengths (and weaknesses) of military brats -
Responsibleness: Military brats take the notion of duty very seriously. They routinely give their best effort, and they do everything in their power to keep their word. There is a danger of perfectionism, which sets one up for perceived failure, then guilt and self-condemnation. Military brats also tend to take on too much responsibility and then wear themselves out trying to do everything single-handedly.
Excellent social skills: Military brats can get along with almost anybody except authoritarian types, and sometimes even with them. They tend to be very well suited to work involving a great deal of people contact, or where knowing how to quickly fit in socially is an asset. Military brats protect themselves against loss of friendship, which they tend to consider inevitable, by keeping relationships shallow and short-term. And they assume anyone in authority is an authoritarian, thus creating problems for themselves in the workplace, for instance.
Resilience (or "adaptability," "flexibility," etc.): Military brats seem to be able to cope with almost anything -- probably a combination of having moved so many times and of being, in many cases, children of alcoholics. Military brats are so good at adapting that they can become ambivalent and lose sight of their values. It becomes unclear what they really care about, where they draw the line and take a stand.
Loyalty: It would be hard for anyone to outshine a military brat when it comes to this virtue.
Willingness to take risks: Military brats rarely balk at anything new or strange, and are generally able to summon whatever it takes to leap into a new and challenging situation. There is an instinctive understanding that the worst that can happen is that the effort will fail, which in itself is a gain educationally. Military brats have taken massive losses so often that they've learned they can survive them and keep on going, it becomes easier to leap into new situations or relationships than to stay with old ones and work through the problems. Military brats might instinctively see to it that they have plenty of change and excitement in life, but they sometimes fall short on actual accomplishment.
Discipline: Those military brats who have internalised a sense of discipline to the point they enjoy controlling and focusing their energies can be extremely productive and efficient. (too often, military brat discipline is dependent on external authority -- which also triggers the will to rebel -- rather than being genuine self-discipline. They may give the impression of being very self-disciplined, but in fact are quite inconsistent, and may even go haywire for a time once external authority is removed.)
Tolerance: Having had to adapt to many situations and, in some cases, cultures, military brats often learn to appreciate different points of view and the inherent value of diversity.
Idealism: Military brats can be extremely dedicated to matters of principle and will go to extraordinary lengths to promote or defend them. This can give purpose and a depth of meaning to their lives. Also, it's not unheard of for a military brat to sacrifice way too much for the sake of principle and also known to sacrifice every sort of personal happiness -- marriage, family, career, financial security -- for the sake of making a point.
Handling crisis well: Military brats often handle emergencies with calm and competence. Others they know sense this and frequently turn to them for help. The more extreme the circumstances, the more they seem to get. Being able to pull everything together at once; knowing exactly the kinds of things that should be handled, and in what order. That is something I known I got from their fathers. (But although there isn't much of a dark side to this, it would help if military brats could learn to be better at heading off crisis in the first place. Some military brats, however, seem to thrive on crisis -- another trait common similar to adult children of alcoholics.)
On roots and "home" - The home that one makes in the spirit and the mind. And that is the home I have found, the home that is shared with other military brats. Home is not a place, but the shared experiences like a Fortress and its many legacies. Our home is hardship and what we learned from it. Our home is a rich fund of values and ideals. Our home is a special quality of freedom that one can obtain only, ironically enough, inside the ironclad Fortress.
"Home" for a rooted civilian is a place to return to so that love and values and memories and a sense of continuity can be replenished. What is found is that we military brats have a home like that too, a home that we all share, that lives in each of us, that we can visit in one another.
Real roots are about connection -- the bonding with others who share a similar lived experience -- and the recognition that who we are individually is due in large part to that lived experience.
First, beyond any doubt, our lived experiences inside the Fortress shaped and influenced us to such a degree that we bear a distinct identity as military brats and always will. We are who we are. Military brats are brave, capable, idealistic. We are seasoned by tribulation, honed by our sense of commitment.
I am proud to be a military brat, and despite the high price exacted by this lifestyle, I would have it no other way.
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Wedding survey
2. Where would you want your wedding to be held? My wedding was held outside
3. Who would be your maid of honour? Someone of my own choice.... I never had a chance to pick my own maid of honour - it was chosen for me >.<
4. Would you want a limo or a carriage? I'd choose a limo.
5. What song would you choose for the first dance between the bride and groom? "All I Ask of You" from "Phantom of the Opera" (like I had the last time)
6. Would you want to marry someone smart, funny, crazy, or in general, a hunk OR someone like Pee Wee Herman? Hmmm... Intellectual, funny, unpredictable.
7. Does the size of the diamond ring really matter? No, it doesn't matter, something small and tasteful - nothing to large or godly
8. Would you wear a lime green dress on your wedding if you were paid enough money?
Let's think about this for a second, shall we.... I have flaming red hair and you want me to wear a lime green dress? o_O o_O o_O O_o O_o O_o I'll look like a bloody Christmas tree *whispers * It's not gonna happen!
9. If so, would you choose lime green pumps to match, or settle for the classic white heels to be somewhat traditional? Shoes, either white or black... I'm not wearing green. I don't have a problem with the colour Green
10. Have you ever been at a wedding? just my own.
11. If so, did you actually get to participate or just attended as a guest? Why wouldn't I participate it was my wedding of course.
12. What age do you think you're going to get married? I was 20 when I got married - so it was just about right.
13. What theme would you make your wedding? Formal dress, me in white..hubby in uniform. All serving members of the Canadian Armed Forces (Bridal Party and guests included) were to wear full Summer Dress uniform - not only a request, but the proper thing to do. (Don't ya just love a man in uniform *^_^ )
14. Do you think that having swan shaped ice as center-pieces may be a bit too much?
No way the ice would melt before the actual "I do's"
15. Do you think a blender or a toaster oven is a good wedding present? I guess so - first I'd find out if "they" needed one, 'cos I got an electric frying pan for a wedding gift.
16. Would you attend an acquaintance wedding, even if you don't really know the person? Probably
17. Would you give them a good present?. Of course, but it wouldn't be an electrical appliance, something a little more appropriate.
18. Would you be bitter if your best friend chose her cousin, whom she barely ever sees, over you to be the maid of honor? Not in the slightest, family should come first
19. How many people would be in the wedding party? In my wedding party (aside from hubby and myself), best man, ring bearer, matron of honour, 2 brides maids, and 2 flower girls
20. Any ethnic festivities being thrown in? We had a somewhat traditional Military Wedding - just think of it... A group of sailors and a couple ground-types at a wedding reception having a good time. Come to think of it, I think there was also an air-type there too
21. Who would give you away? Both my parents
22. If any, where would the overseas guest(s) be from? Kinda, my father-in-law had just got back from Bosnia 3 days before the wedding.
23. Would you have the traditional almond favors? Uh.....no
24. Would you want a Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter wedding? I had a Summer wedding
25. What month? July 2, 1994 - we wanted to get married on July 1st (Canada Day) but the 1st was a Friday and it was the Sabbath and there was no way that the rabbis (friend's parents) could make it anyway. Besides, the next day was better being a Saturday and all.
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Random 7's
1. Spiders
2. Other creepy crawlies
3. Heights anything taller than the Trade Mart building
4. My untimely Death - not that I'm gonna die anytime soon
5. Death of a loved one
6. Not being loved
7. Being alone even if there is someone else in the room
Seven things that make you laugh:
1. British comedians (Monty Python, Rowan Atkinson, Billy Connolly, etc...)
2. Talkin with my online co-conspirators (they know who they are *-_^ )
3. Stand-up Comedy
4. Comedies (in general)
5. eCards that my husband sends me
6. My kids when they are trying to cheer me up
7. My overactive imagination
Seven things you love:
1. My family
2. Coffee
3. Chocolate
4. Cheesecake
5. Laughter
6. Music
7. Drawing/artwork
Seven things you hate:
1. Shallow people
2. Childless people always dissing people who do children (I know that not everyone likes children, but that's no reason to act prissy)
3. Military bashing
4. STRESS
5. My weight, Did I forget to mention my weight, Oh yeah, my weight
6. Bleeding heart liberals
7. Math word problems
Seven things you don't understand:
1. The "Goth Scene"
2. A Mosh pit?
3. Childless people always dissing people who do children (I know that not everyone likes children, but that's no reason to act prissy)
4. Ignorant, racist, repugnant people
5. Again with the word problems
6. Why we as a society still pay income tax
7. When the weather report is given it's always forecasted for around theairport. Haven't these morons figured out that nobody leaves by the airport.
Seven things on your desk:
1. Computer
2. Speakers
3. Router
4. Writing implements pens, pencils, markers (sure some of the don't work, but I hate to toss things
5. Hubby's pet bunny (naturally it's a toy one) I got him on his first NATO
6. CD's
7. Misc. junk
Right now you are:
1. Stressed
2. Bored stiff, other than suffering from insomnia
3. Listening to "Courage & Patience & Grit" by Great Big Sea
4. Trying to figure out if I want to clean or hire a maid *^_^ *lol*
5. wrapped up in hubby's big yellow blankie
6. Patiently waiting for the rain to stop
7. Sitting by the glow of my monitor
Seven facts about you:
1. I'm a nice person, but not many want to get to know me
2. My self confidence has taken a real beating over the years
3. Be able to lash out when things start to bother me - and not be criticised
4. I'm an only child
5. Being able to get over certain fears (not listed)
6. being able to loose my stress-induced weight
7. Want to learn to Stand-up Comedian
Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. Get a decent job
2. Visit NYC, London, England (okay, the UK in general), New Zealand/Austraila
3. Go out and just blow my money on useless things without worrying about it afterwards
4. Earn enough money to be comfy and make sure the kids education is taken care of
5. Buy hubby a new computer among other things
6. Meet my online co-cospirators
7. Go to Europe and look for family members (alive and dead)
Seven Famous People You Want To Meet:
1. Craig Parker
2. Marton Csokas
3. Hugo Weaving
4. Billy Boyd
5. Patrick Stewart
6. Sean Connery
7. Billy Connolly
Seven songs people should give a listen:
1. Captain Wedderburn - Great Big Sea
2. Jack Hinks - Great Big Sea
3. Lukey - Great Big Sea
4. Ordinary Day - Great Big Sea
5. Consequence Free - Great Big Sea
6. Shines Right Through Me - Great Big Sea
7. Something Beautiful - Great Big Sea
Seven movies you watch all the time:
1. "The Lord of the Rings" (trilogy)
2. "The Tommyknockers"
3. "bedrooms and Hallways"
4. "The Matrix"
5. "Aeon Flux"
6. "Kingdon of Heaven"
7. "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"
8. "V for Vendetta" (okay, I sneaked this one in for good measure *^_^ )
Top seven things you say the most when annoyed:
1. Exsqueeze me/you
2. Do you really want me to say something really cutting? Now don't ya!
3. Bloody Hell
4. Right?
5. I don't think so
6. Bollocks!
7. Not in this fucking lifetime
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Naval Muster
I remember standing at quarters one morning while stationed aboard the USS Androit.
Lieutenant Montgomery was doing the muster.
"JACKSON?"
"Here!"
"KIBBEY?"
"Yo."
"STEPHENS?"
"Present, sir."
"SEEBACK?"
Nothing.
"SEEBACK?!"
Still nothing.
"DAMMIT, SEEBACK!"
As the division Chief I whispered into the Lieutenant's ear,
"Sir, turn the paper over."
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Woman
Was made from the rib of man
She was not created
From his head~
To top him
Nor from his feet~
To be stepped upon.
She was made
From his side~
To be equal to him;
From beneath his arm~
To be protected by him;
Near his heart~
To be loved by him.
~ Anonymous
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The Military Wife
The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model?" The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order?
She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to four or 40 with an hour's notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be willing to move to a new 10 times in 17 years. And oh, yes, she must have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head, "Six pairs of hands? No way." The Lord continued, "Don't worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband's achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say, "I understand," when she doesn't and say, "I love you" regardless." "Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently, "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow."
"I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, or runway and understand why it's important that he leave."
The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but it's too soft." "She might look soft," replied the Lord, "but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure."
Finally, the angel ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation. "There's a leak," she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model." The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence. "What you see is not a leak," he said. "It's a tear." A tear? What is it there for?" asked the angel.
The Lord replied, "It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear."
"You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn't put it there."
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Happy 4th of July
Happy Independence Day!!!!
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I Am Canadian
I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled....
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a president.
I speak English and French, not American.
And I pronounce it 'about', not 'a boot'.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, not policing,
diversity, not assimilation,
and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch,
and it is pronounced 'zed' not 'zee', 'zed' !!!!
Canada is the second largest landmass!
The first nation of hockey!
and the best part of North America
My name is Joe!!
And I am Canadian!!!
http://www.coolcanuckaward.ca/joe_canadian.htm
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Coo-Roo-Coo-Coo-Coo-Roo-Coo-Coo!!
Happy Canada Day, eh!
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Words used mainly in Canadian English
ABM, bank machine: synonymous with ATM (which is also used).
bachelor: bachelor apartment ("They have a bachelor for rent").
chesterfield: originally British and internationally used (as in classic furnishing terminology) to refer to a sofa whose arms are the same height as the back, it is a common term for any couch or sofa in Canada (and, to some extent, Northern California).The more international terms sofa and couch are also used; among younger generations in the western and central regions, chesterfield is largely in decline.
double-double: a cup of coffee with two creams and two sugars. And by the same token, triple-triple.
eavestroughs: rain gutters. Also used, especially in the past, in the Northern and Western U.S.; the first recorded usage is in Herman Melville's Moby-
Dick: "The tails tapering down that way, serve to carry off the water, d'ye see. Same with cocked hats; the cocks form gable-end eave-troughs, Flask."
eh: a spoken interjection to ascertain the comprehension, continued interest, agreement, etc., of the person or persons addressed ("That was a good game last night, eh?"). May also be used instead of "huh?" or "what?" meaning "please repeat or say again." Frequently mis-represented by Americans as A, or hey.
fire hall: fire station, firehouse.
height of land: a drainage divide. Originally American.
Hoser: An uncouth, beer drinking man. Used extensively in Bob and Doug Mackenzie skits.
humidex: measurement used by meteorologists to reflect the combined effect of heat and humidity.
hydro: a common synonym for electrical service. Many Canadian provincial electric companies generate power from hydroelectricity, and incorporate the term "Hydro" in their names: Toronto Hydro, Hydro Ottawa, etc. Usage: "Manitoba Hydro... It's not just a Power Company anymore."; "How long did you work for Hydro?" "When's Hydro gonna get the lines back up."; "The hydro bill is due on the fifteenth."; "I didn't pay my hydro bill so they shut off my lights." Hence hydrofield, a line of electricity transmission towers, usually in groups cutting across a city, and hydro lines/poles, electrical transmission lines/poles.
loonie: Canadian one dollar coin. Derived from the use of the loon on the reverse.
parkade: a parking garage, especially in the West.
pencil crayon: coloured pencil origin: bilingual package label Pencil (English) Crayon (French word for pencil).
pogie: term referring to employment insurance.
runners: running shoes, sneakers, especially in Central Canada. Also used somewhat in Australian English.
toonie: Canadian two dollar coin. Modelled after loonie. Also spelled tooney, twooney, twoonie, twonie, or twoney.
tuque: a knitted winter hat, often with a pompon on the crown. Sometimes spelled toque.
washroom: the general term for what is normally named public toilet or lavatory in Britain. In the U.S. (where it originated) mostly replaced by restroom in the 20th century. Generally used only as a technical or commercial term outside of Canada. The word bathroom is also used.
Tin (as in tin of tuna): for can, especially among older speakers. Among younger speakers, can is more common, with tin referring to a can which is wider than it is tall.
Cutlery: for silverware or flatware.
Serviette: for a table napkin, though this is fast being changed to the latter.
Tap: conspicuously more common than faucet in everyday usage.
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Marbles
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a Basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the Store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them Peas. They sure look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good. Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?" asked Mr. Miller.
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those Peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it" said Miller.
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one Like this at home?", the store owner asked.
"Not zackley but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you And next trip this way let me look at that red Marble", Mr. Miller told the boy.
"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over To help me. With a smile she said, "There are two Other boys like him in our community, all three are in Very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain With them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they Always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all. And he sends them home with a bag of produce for a Green marble or an orange one, when they come on their Next trip to the store." I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with This man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and Their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, Each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho Community, and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that Evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed To accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we Fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own Warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes. Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years Ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles.
With her eyes glistening, she Took my hand and led me to the casket. "Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you About. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about colour or size....they came to pay their debt." "We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho." With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~
A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
Green stoplights on your way to work.
The fastest line at the grocery store.
A good sing-along song on the radio.
Your keys found right where you left them
Send this to the people you'll never forget. I just did...
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!
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Things Trek Characters Would Say in Hell
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a coal-shoveler!"
*Janeway: "Excuse me, Satan? You want to get out of my face?"
*
Hoard of Beautiful, Sex-Starved Women: "Oh! Our love-slave has arrived!"
Kim: "NOOOOOOOOOO!"
*
Garak: "Well, I think I can probably find something here that will make it all -- wait! Is this suit polyester?? AHHHHHHHHHH!"
*
Data: "Yeah, yeah. I know. Wear the pink outfit and sit in my chair."
*
Seven: "I fail to understand why the only available nourishment here is chocolate bon-bons, ice-cream and beer. And why has my outfit become so tight?"
*
Tuvok: "I see. So it's either that I must agree to say, 'Oh, Captain Proton, you're such a wonderful specimen of the best of in each of us, and oh, how I wish I could be you,' or I get thrown into the vat of burning tar...How long do I have to decide?"
*
Chakotay: "Hey! That jewelry looks like it was made from the bones of my dead ancestors!"
*
Torres: "Oh! At last! My feet are warm!"
*
Picard: "Mrs. Troi, would you PLEASE get your hand off my ass?"
*
Damar: What! Only Shirley Temples? NOOOO!
*
Kira: Dukat is to be my eternal comanion? I don't think so.
*
Sisko: I'm the Emissary. What am I doing here?
*
Damar to Dukat: I'd like to to toss that little schmuck Vorta...Hell, there are no airlocks, sir!
*
Member of Species 8472: "Raghkneakyawlrowlfhaf!!"
*
Tom Paris: Hey B'Elanna, it beats that ice cube enviroment we were in together!
B'Elanna: Shut up you P'tuQ helmboy!
*
Borg Queen: Um, excuse me, but why can't I assimalate anyone? That's not fair! MMMMMOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!
*
Innocent security dude: Hey I didn't wanna die yet! I gotta find out if there really was a thing between
Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway!
*
Lore: Ahh. Home sweet home!
*
Garak: Would you mind adjusting the humidity? My scales are flaking!
*
Dukat: Ziyal, stop looking at me like like that...AAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
*
Dumar: What do you mean the only thing to drink is water?!
*
Dukat: Hey, why aren't I ascending to heaven? Oh yeah, the sins...
*
Ziyal: By the way, it's Ziyal, Z-I-Y-A-L, OK?! Oops! I blew a blood gasket, hold on a second...
*
Anyone: "Engineering! What's up with the environmental controls?"
*
Q: ::snap...nothing happens:: "Hey! What happened to my omnipotence?"
*
Harry: "Anyone want to hear the new tune I composed on my clarinet? It's called The Hellish Blues."
*
Wesley (to the devil): "Can I look around your bridge?"
*
Picard: "Oh no! The only people in sight are all...children!!!!! Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!"
*
Tuvok: "Mister Neelix, I did not expect to see you in such a position of...responsibility."
*
Janeway: What do you mean you only have tea?
*
Harry: Hey, what is this place?
Satan: Oh, hell. What's he doing here?
*
Chakotay: Does this mean that I really screwed up? Hey, where's Kathryn?
*
Ziyal: (nervously) "Daddy?"
*
Kira: "There's no Hell in Bajoran theology."
*
Dukat: "Satan, buddy! Give me five!"
*
Kes: "I am so outta here. Anyone need a push before I leave?"
*
Tom: "Hey, Dad."
*
Tuvok: "Greetings, T'Pel. It has been a long, long, LONG time. What's with the football helmet and oven mitts?"
*
Harry: "It was a lot quieter the last time I was here."
*
McCoy: "Well, you did once tease him about looking like Satan."
Kirk: "It was just a joke. And why is he leering at me like that?"
McCoy: "I don't know, but better you than--uh oh."
*
Dax: "Hmm, deja vu."
*
Odo: "I'm melting!!! I'm melting!!"
*
Bashir: "Kukalaka, no!!!"
*
Worf: (sees all his dead wives/girl-friends) "No!!!!!"
*
Seven: "Hell is irrelevant. Damn it's hot...Where is that zipper?"
*
Chakotay: "My people have a saying..."
Janeway: "Nooo! Nooo! Make him stop, PLEEEEASE!"
*
Picard: "Q, show yourself."
*
Picard: "What do you mean you only have coffee?"
*
Spock: "Now, where did I put those marshmelons? Ahhh, there they are...hold still, Doctor..."
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a marsh melon dispenser!"
*
Ezri: "Hey! HELP! Get me out of this barrel of gagh!"
*
Tom: "Excuse me, B'Elanna, I -- wait a second -- why are you in the Captain's sonic shower singing 'Feel Like Makin' Love?'"
*
Worf: "OK, who's the wiseguy who put Teletubbies in my calisthenics program!?"
*
Kirk: "ALIMONY??"
*
Jadzia: "Oh, crap. They replaced me with Ally McTrill!"
*
Quark: "Morn joined Syntheholics Anonymous?! I'm ruined!!"
*
Brunt, FCA: "Grand Nagus QUARK??"
*
Janeway: "Great. We make it all the way back to Earth and Starbucks is out of business!"
*
Picard: "WHAT??? Even less hair???"
Deanna Troi: "WHAT??? Even more hair???"
*
Wesley: "Why am I in hell????"
Satan: "Oh nooo, it's that Crusher!!!! Since when am I the one being punished???"
*
The EMH-Doctor: "D-o-o-o-n-'-t-t t-t-o-u-c-h-h-h t-h-h-a-a-at off-f-f b-b-bu-u-ut-t-t-o-n-n-n !-!-!"
Data: "M-m-m-i-i-in-ne-e ei-th-th-the-r-r-r-r.-.-.-"
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Canadian temperature conversion chart.
70°C above
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes.
60°C above
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Canada plant gardens.
50°C above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Canada sunbathe.
40°C above
English cars won't start.
People in Canada drive with the windows down.
32°C above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Superior's water gets thicker.
20°C above
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.
People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt.
15°C above
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0°C degrees
People in Miami all die...
Canadians lick the flagpole.
20°C below
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Canada get out their winter coats.
40°C below
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Guides of Canada are selling cookies door to door.
60°C below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
80°C below
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
People in Canada rent some videos.
100°C below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.
297°C below
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands.
460°C below
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale)
People in Canada start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500°C below
Hell freezes over.
The Leafs win the Stanley Cup
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Naughty?
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can't sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Husband: Because I'm Hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Husband: You don't love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please...come on
Wife: Alright, I'll do it.
Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Wife: I can't find it.
Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife: There! Are you satisfied?
Husband: Oh, yes.
Wife: Is it up far enough?
Husband: Oh yes, that's good.
Wife: Now go to sleep and from now on when you want the window open, get up and do it yourself.
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Not what you would have expected
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything,but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket... and, (hopefully you're ready for this!!!)
The coffin stops.
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Happy Father's Day
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Don't say I didn't warn ya
The following caption pretty much sums up my day.....
"Quick! For the love of God and your sanity everyone stand behind me. Honeylynn hasn't had a coffee today and she's about to explode!"
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Names 'n' things
YOUR NAME
(1) The singular boring question: What is your name? Honeylynn - and no before anybody asks, my parents weren't on anything the day I was born. My parents wanted a different name since it seemed that every other kid was named "Elizabeth", "Susan" (or variations there of), et al.... Also my parents were living in PMQ's (Personal Married Quarters), it seemed that everyone named their kids the same names.
(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name have been? Hmm.. Richard, Leonard or Dylan
(3) Would you name a child of yours after you? Absolutely not. I was tortured by others as a small child in school why would I do that to any of my children
(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of yours, who would you switch with? I'm not quite sure, to honest. Besides, who'd want my name in trade?
(5) What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? They hyphen it Honey-Lynn, or they call me Honeylee, Honeybee.
(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? How about dropping my first name?
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? Yep
(8) Do you think God has a gender? No.
(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? depends.
(10) Do you believe in organised religion? I do, but not many people think I have the right to believe in whatever religion I choose
(11) Where do you think we go when we die? Hmm.. good question
(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? nope
HUMOUR
(13) How easy is it to make you laugh? Not very hard, if I find something funny, I'll laugh
(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? Will, the kids, various peeps on lj and GJ
(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn't? I probably would, as long it doesn't involve anything anti-Semitic, racist, about someone's sexual preference or about challenged people. That's not funny and just sick and wrong.
(16) Do you tell jokes you know you shouldn't? I loathe anti-Semitic and racist jokes.
(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? Too many to list
(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you've ever said or written? Hmmm... I guess I have to start to re-read my journals.
MUSIC
(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody's watching? I don't dance
(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? Hmm...let's see I'm NOT a big fan of country music
(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better? "Louie, Louie"
(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? Short A Couple A' Bob (especially after payday)
(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? Never really thought about it
(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? Never really thought about it
(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? Too many to list
MOVIES
(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else seems to? Too many to list.
(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original? sometimes
(28) Who's your favourite Star Wars character? Just one?
(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? Comedies, Science Fiction, Mystery & Horror
(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? teen & chick flicks.
FOOD
(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? Without a doubt - taste
(32) What's your favourite kind of cheese? Let's just say cheese - especially cheesecake
(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? Time to bump off the head rat *^_^
(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? Hmm good question? Would someone please pass the egg foo young.
(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? No.
COMPUTERS
(36) Mac or PC? Both PC & Mac - don't ask me to count them all
(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer, as long as it works? I know enough, 'sides if it breaks down I have my own built in techie ..er I just get my husband to take care of it
(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? yes
(39) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? No not really
(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? no
THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? Only when dealing with pms
(42) What do you love most about the other gender? Their sense of humour.
(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? Have we got enough time to sit down and actually speak on this subject?
(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? Read last answer
CELEBRITIES
(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? depends
(46) What celebrity's autograph do you want most? Hmm...I already have 2 items signed by Richard Belzer. Unfortunately I wasn't there to actually get them first hand.
(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? Never really thought of it
(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)? Never really thought of it. Why who do you think I should use?
49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can't remember why? Wha'?
(50) If you could enter any celebrity's mind like in "Being John Malkovich", whose would you enter? Meebee, but I'm not gonna say
(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? Good lord, no.
NUMBERS
(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? Am I supposed to laugh?
(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? Am I? Really now....?
(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? Yes I have a SIN (Social Insurance Number)
(55) Do you actually know your IP address? Yes
(56) Do you know what an IP address is? yeah
(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? I know my postal code, unfortunately so do all of my creditors too - I have this love hate thing going on around payday... I hate to (but faithfully) pay my bills, and my creditors love to receive my money
(58) Are there too many numbers floating around in our lives? Definitely - big time
(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc.? huh? My brain's hurting now
(60) What do you think of pi? Of course I do, but it's better a la mode
LOVE, SEX AND ALL THAT
(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? Am I supposed to be frightened?
(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? Dunno, never really had that problem
(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in "blind"? I met my husband on a "blind date"
(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member? I never had that problem, but my husband, son and ex-boyfriend do share the first names
(65) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? Never put any thought into it
(66) What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? hmm
(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? hmm
(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking? Will must because we've been married nearly 13 years now
(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? Those could be fighting words
(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? Highly illogical if you ask me.
POSSESSIONS
(71) What is your favourite possession? Too many too list
(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? Are people included into the equation
(73) How badly do you want it? I'll live if I don't get it.
(74) Have you ever seen 'The Exorcist'? yes
(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? Huh?....really now.
HOLIDAYS
(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoys you? Only if it's the same 4 songs over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...
(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? I'm not gonna answer that on the bases I'm almost 34
(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had? I was dress normally but one year I was asked by one man "what I was" my reply, "I was a homicidal manic, they dress just like everybody else." The man nearly pissed himself laughing - when I asked him why he was laughing at me, he told me he was a Homicide Detective for the city police - go me!
(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had? A little rag-doll
(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? Victoria Day & Halloween
(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August - what should be put there? Yes there is.... It's called Natal Day or Civil Holiday. The 1st Monday in August. Who writes these things anyways?
MEMORIES
(82) How good is your short-term memory? great
(83) How good is your long-term memory? Even better
(84) What is your earliest memory? Walking into a wall at 10 months old.
(85) What is your happiest memory? My wedding day.
(86) What is your strangest memory? Being in recovery after giving birth (three times) - my body went completely stone cold.
(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? not enough time to list them all
(88) What movie makes/made you cry? I'm not one for sappy movies
(89) What book makes/made you cry? I'm more into History, Mystery & Science Fiction books
(90) What song makes/made you cry? http://pray.wfrn.com/iwasthere.html Yes, this is almost 6 years old but every time I listen to it I start crying
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Dirty Mind?
I was scared at first.
It was very wide, and very long,
and it angled straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it.
It felt weird at first.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down on it.
I was really loving it.
Now I ride on escalators all the time.
I took my fingers and slowly,
and gently stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white.
I licked it once, twice..I found I couldn't stop.
I licked it faster and faster, and harder.
I began to scrape my teeth against it.
There it was, in my mouth!
All sweet and creamy.
I was done.
And I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookies.
---------------------------------
I squeezed it gently at first,
then a little bit harder.
There seemed to be more and more of it
I moved it towards my lips.
It was a strange and new sensation for me.
I put it in my mouth
and moved it around and around with my tongue.
The time soon came when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience.
The 1st time I tasted toothpaste.
---------------------------------
They were both round and firm.
There was only the slightest difference between the two.
I took one in my hand and twisted it hard.
I used my other hand to grab the other one
and twist it hard the other way.
Now there's a brighter light bulb in the living room.
---------------------------------
It was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers
until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands,
and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
I knew it could be done.
I wanted to try but I didn't know if I could do it.
I called my friend.
He said he knew how to do it and would teach me.
He put his arms around me and started.
I watched nervously in the mirror.
He finally finished and pulled back slowly.
I felt relieved that it was over.
I hate neckties.
---------------------------------
It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting.
I wasn't sure just what I wanted to do with it.
I carefully pulled it apart with my fingers to look into it better.
I knew how great it would be if I just started eating it.
But I decided to put ketchup on my burger
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Survey
Just killing time
** Now **
Dress: Black T-shirt, sweat pants, socks
Makeup: no make-up
Mood: I'm too tired to have a mood
Music/CD: Great Big Sea - The hard and the Easy
Taste: Am I supposed to be tasty?
Hair: Red, shoulder lenght
Annoyance: Let's not go ther umkay
Smell: my cuppa (Tea. Earl Grey. Hot!)
Thing I ought to be doing: Baking some muffins (scratch receipe).
Desktop Picture: Main computer (in dinning room) Elrond/Haldir (manip). Secondary computer (also in dinnig room): Celeborn/Glorfindel (manip). My computer (my bedroom): Elrond/Haldir/Celeborn/Glorfindel/Legolas (manip). Yes, I know there's a pattern but what can I say I'd had a wee bit of fun with PSP7
Favourite Band: Bee Gees - no this is not a mistake. Got a problem with that!?
Book: I'm reading 4 books: "V for Vendetta", "The Soddit", "The Sillymarillion" and "The Diary of Anne Frank"
CD In Stereo: (on tv stand) Great Big Sea Road Rage, (in the computer) The hard and the Easy
DVD In Player: Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (going through Elf withdrawls - haven't watched in quite awhile)
Colour Of Toenails: au natural
Refreshment: Coffee, tea or Mountain Dew
Worry: Should I be?
Crush: Crush you mean the pop right? There's Pineapple Crush (from the Newfoundland store - downtown Halifax), Soda Mousse (Cream Soda). Now, if you mean peoples....you mean I can hurt people? Cool. :P No injury involved, huh? Well then it would have to be Stickboy
Favourite Celebrity: Hugo Weaving, Craig Parker, Marton Csokas, Sir Ian McKellen, Sir Ian Holm, Patrick Stewart, Sean Connery, Billy Connolly, Brent Spiner, just to name a few.
** Da Last Person **
You Touched: Touch what is my question? Or are you asking if I'm touched - well then I'd have to agree with ya there - there's definitely room for a healthy level of insanity *veg* 'sides, you wants to be sane nowadays?
You Talked to: Myself. I caught myself doing something completely stupid :P
You Hugged: Da kids as they headed up to bed
You Instant messaged? Nobody's on tonight
You Kissed: More like I was kissed - da kids - sloppy wet kisses
You Yelled At: Da girls (up the stairwell, in response to their "good nights")
You Had A Crush On: I wouldn't call it a crash, but marriage has been a challenge - but my mind's so foggy I don't really care - so that's not the answer for this question, but hey here's my answer. :P
Who Broke Your Heart: Not broken, still beating 72 beats per second *tickty tickty tickty*>
** Favourite **
Food: Cheesecake, Chocolate, Chocolate Cheesecake, Chocolate covered coffee beans, Chinese, Japanese, Italian
Drink: Coffee
Colour: Black
CD: I have many favourites, but I'll say Great Big Sea - The hard and the Easy
Shoes: Black Shoes, Black ankle boots, black sneeks
Candy: I haven't had any candy in a looooonnnnnggggggg time
Animal: cats (can't have any 'cos the fam. allergic to them)
TV Show: Doctor Who, Lost and Law & Order series
Movie: LotR Trilogy, The matrix, PotC, After the Deluge, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Song: Great Big Sea - Come and I Will Sing You (The Twelve Apostles)
Vegetable: Green Pepper
Fruit: Lemons, grapefruit, Strawberries, blueberries.
** Who do you want to **
Kill: Cheesecake sounds good right about now
Slap: Whom should I slap now? And can I slap them silly with a wet codfish?
Tickle: Nobody in particular
Look Like: I never really noticed
Be Like: Am I supposed to be like somebody else?
Talk To: Never really thought about it
Marry: Marry? I married to Stickboy. You mean it's alright to a male harem? Nah! Will's the only one for me, 'side one man is bitchy enough during cleaning stations - nuff side.
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But why is the rum gone?
 | You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow, You are definitely quirky and often mistaken for mad but if anyone is truly paying attention they can see there is method to your madness. You try really hard to be bad but in the end you tend to do the right thing.
What kind of Pirate are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
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70 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me
1. DO YOU SNORE? No
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? Lover AND a fighter
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? spider
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? No, I was more into Smurfs
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV? It's phoney
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? Yeah I guess
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? Don't know, I was too young to notice
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? no
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? grey
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? nah
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? Good Lord, no I like the ground.
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS? Shhh.... If I tell you, I'll have to caffeinate you
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? Right now... any place warm. Man, it's freezing here *brrrrrrr*
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? If you say so
15. HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI? Yes, yum
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"? nope
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? yes
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? Don't eat tootsies pops
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? Do I have too?
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE? No
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? *meh*
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? Already married
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? Certain cold meds, some food allergies.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"? all the time
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? Elvis is not dead, he just went home.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? no
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? over hard
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? Not all. Actually my youngest daughter is quite smart for someone who's a blonde
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? Hmmm....? Good question. Maybe Elvis took it with him when he left?
33. WHAT TIME IS IT? 2334hrs
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? Yeah I do by there really isn't enough space to type them all down.
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING? No comment
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? Last Thursday morning
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? both
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? What!? No comment
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? My neck never kisses and tells
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? no
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Me? Addictions? Those who know me know my addictions
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? CREAMY
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? no
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? yes but let's not go there.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? Twice, so far.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? *meh*
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? yes
48. WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR EYES? Black, blue, silver
49. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I don't remember
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? *meh*
51. WHO'S BETTER? Who? What? Huh?
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? Hmm...? Allow me to look into my Palantír
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"? Yes, yes I have. Have you?
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? nah
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY? I don't steal
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? no thanks, I like to walk
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? It's okay I guess
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH? sometimes
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? yeah
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? No, cats are
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? Depends on the situation
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? nope
63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? of course
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? You bloody well wanna believe it! It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey (and damp too)
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? mac and cheese
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? not really
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? Please don't get me started.
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? no
70. FAVOURITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? Well there's GBS, Flogging Molly, Gaelic Storm just to name a few
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For Whom the Bell Tolls
One Sunday morning a young lady is out shopping when she receives a call notifying her that her Grandfather had died. She immediately races over to visit her Grandmother..
"Grandma," she sobs, "how did it happen? Grandfather seemed so healthy
and full of the joy of living when I last saw him and now barely two days later he's dead."
"Well", replies the old lady, "the truth is he had a heart attack while we were having sex this morning."
"Sex! He was having sex at the age of 94?! isn't that asking for trouble?"
"Oh no." Granny replied "You see we had a routine every Sunday morning. we used to keep time with the church bells coming from a church around the corner. In with the "dings", out with the "dongs." She paused for a moment to wipe her eyes.
"And if it wasn't for that damn ice cream truck, your Grandfather would still be alive today."
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Picture this....
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new . Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother...It says:
"Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle. . . it makes your nose look too short."
Love, Grandma
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Banned books
#1 The Bible
#2 Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
#3 Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
#4 The Koran
#5 Arabian Nights
#6 Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
#7 Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
#8 Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
#9 Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
#10 Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
#11 The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli
#12 Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
#13 Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
#14 Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
#15 Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
#16 Les Misérables by Victor Hugo
#17 Dracula by Bram Stoker
#18 Autobiography by Benjamin Franklin
#19 Tom Jones by Henry Fielding
#20 Essays by Michel de Montaigne
#21 Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
#22 History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
#23 Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
#24 Origin of Species by Charles Darwin
#25 Ulysses by James Joyce
#26 Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
#27 Animal Farm by George Orwell
#28 Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
#29 Candide by Voltaire
#30 To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
#31 Analects by Confucius
#32 Dubliners by James Joyce
#33 Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
#34 Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
#35 Red and the Black by Stendhal
#36 Das Capital by Karl Marx
#37 Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire
#38 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
#39 Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence (I wanna see the movie, but every time it's on someone else decides that I don't need to watch it)
#40 Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
#41 Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser
#42 Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
#43 Jungle by Upton Sinclair
#44 All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
#45 Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx
#46 Lord of the Flies by William Golding
#47 Diary by Samuel Pepys
#48 Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
#49 Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
#50 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
#51 Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
#52 Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant
#53 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
#54 Praise of Folly by Desiderius Erasmus
#55 Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
#56 Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X
#57 Color Purple by Alice Walker
#58 Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
#59 Essay Concerning Human Understanding by John Locke
#60 Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
#61 Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe
#62 One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#63 East of Eden by John Steinbeck
#64 Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
#65 I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
#66 Confessions by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#67 Gargantua and Pantagruel by François Rabelais
#68 Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes
#69 The Talmud
#70 Social Contract by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#71 Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
#72 Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence
#73 American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
#74 Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler (weird and twisted little man)
#75 Separate Peace by John Knowles
#76 Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
#77 Red Pony by John Steinbeck
#78 Popol Vuh
#79 Affluent Society by John Kenneth Galbraith
#80 Satyricon by Petronius
#81 James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
#82 Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
#83 Black Boy by Richard Wright
#84 Spirit of the Laws by Charles de Secondat Baron de Montesquieu
#85 Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut
#86 Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
#87 Metaphysics by Aristotle
#88 Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
#89 Institutes of the Christian Religion by Jean Calvin
#90 Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse
#91 Power and the Glory by Graham Greene
#92 Sanctuary by William Faulkner
#93 As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
#94 Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin
#95 Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
#96 Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
#97 General Introduction to Psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud
#98 Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (I found her writing dry, but what can ya do when the teacher wants a 4 page essay due before March Break)
#99 Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Alexander Brown
#100 Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
#101 Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman by Ernest J. Gaines
#102 Émile Jean by Jacques Rousseau
#103 Nana by Émile Zola
#104 Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
#105 Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin
#106 Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#107 Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein
#108 Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
#109 Ox-Bow Incident by Walter Van Tilburg Clark
#110 Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
#111 Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret, Judy Blume
#112 the Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling
#113 The Merchant of Venice, William Shakespeare (Shakespeare a Jr/Sr High School staple - so who are these people trying to kid?)
#114 A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle
#115 The Witches of Worm, Zilpha Keatly Snyder
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The Cab Ride
Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. It was a cowboy's life, a life for someone who wanted no boss. What I didn't realize was that it was also a ministry.
Because I drove the night shift, my cab became a moving confessional. Passengers climbed in, sat behind me in total anonymity, and told me about their lives. I encountered people whose lives amazed me, ennobled me, made me laugh and weep.
But none touched me more than a woman I picked up late one August night.
I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partiers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or a worker heading to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.
When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked.
"Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice.
I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened.
A small woman in her 80s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one
had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said.
I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.
"It's nothing," I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated."
"Oh, you're such a good boy," she said.
When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive
through downtown?"
"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.
"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice."
I looked in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were glistening.
"I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."
I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove where she and her husband lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow down in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.
"Nothing," I said.
"You have to make a living," she answered.
"There are other passengers," I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."
I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware -- beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you ...But they will always remember how you made them feel.
(Author Unknown)
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Martha Stewart vs. the Real Women's Way:
Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the sofa with your feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha's way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's way #4: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix up."
Real Women's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's just too bad. Please recite with me: The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.
Martha's way #5: Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Real Women's Way: Celery? What's that?
Martha's way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Real Women's Way: The Mrs. Smith Frozen Pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't do it.
Martha's way #7: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Women's Way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it's you are now BLIND!
Martha's way #8: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Real Women's Way: Go ask the very cute neighbour to do it.
And finally the most important tip......
Martha's way #9: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Real Women's Way: Leftover wine?
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Irish Viagra
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra". It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.
Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?
"Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But as sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
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I've just gotta say this.......
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Sounds for the Space-set
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Cute and slightly twisted
While completing some "homework" (for this course I'm on) up in the bedroom (about 2 weeks ago), I hear Will listening to a song called "Poor Hamster". At first, I thought it was someone idea of a sick joke - picking on a poor defenceless animal until he showed me the site Poor Hamster description (the song sing performed by Louis Gentile's children).
Then I took a peek over at Louis Gentile's site (which also has a version in German) and couldn't help but get the giggles.
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Hoist the Colours
Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die.
The king and his men stole the queen from her bed
and bound her in her bones.
The seas be ours and by the powers
where we will -- we'll roam.
Yo, ho, haul together, hoist the colours high.
heave, ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die .
Some men have died and some are alive
And others sail on the sea.
With the keys to the cage, and the devil to pay,
We lay to Fiddler's Green!
Yo, ho, haul together, hoist the colours high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die.
The bell has been raised from its watery grave,
Do you hear its sepulchral tone?
A call to all, pay heed the squall
And turn your sails toward home!
Yo, ho, haul together, hoist the colours high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never say we die.
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Grey Grin
Two elderly women were in a beauty parlour getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.
One woman leaned over to the other and said,
"Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket!"
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Astrological After-sex Comments.
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"
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Haldir
| Which LotR-man would be your match? |
 Guard and guide... Dressed in grey, Haldir of Lorien takes your breath away with his eyes and tantalizing voice. He'll be away from home often, off to the borders to insult Dwarves and be insulted in turn. There's coolness and aloofness on the outside, but if you are able to unleash the fire within, you will be one happy girl! One thing: if you want to keep him, tell him not to wear red when going to battle. Take this quiz! |
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Haldir
Haldir! Take this quiz!
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Haldir
Take this quiz!
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You Sexy thang
Name 12 fictional characters you would have sex/molest with (in no particular order) and tag five people to do the same (if you want).
Friends over at LJ and GJ (where I originally snagged this) know that this list is pretty well obvious
The Sex Idols
1. Elrond
2. Celeborn
3. Haldir
4. Elladan (double your pleasure....
5. Elrohir ....double your fun)
6. Glorfindel
7. Gildor Inglorion
8. Gil-galad (Yeah I know he's dead but who cares. Besides who can resist that orgasmic cry during the opening battle scene)
9. Erestor
10. Legolas
11. Cirdan
12. Maglor
The Victims/Tagged
Anyone and everyone who wants to snag